I know there isn't any need to apologize. You've told me countless times before that I don't have to say sorry for every little thing. Even for the smallest mistake, either imagined or otherwise, I will still express remorse.
I've been up mauling over the evening's events while reading. Hah. I don't know why I got so worked up. I mean, it wasn't the first time I've said something silly and felt a twinge of shame. Many emotions came hurling at me, all at once. Embarrassment, dread, panic, aberration, self-loathing, hopefulness. I guess I was afraid that you were going to think of me as a moron.
I know I overreacted, but I just have a lot of respect for you, and I don't know. I know, I gotta relax. I think I just fell apart, because another bad habit of mine is keeping little agitations and concerns pent up until I reach my breaking point. There really isn't even a whole lot that's eating away at me, except for maybe that exam I have to take.
I don't know why I'm writing all this at all. I do want to say that I will keep my word. Whatever happens, I will stay by your side, even if we're killed. You truly are the only person I wouldn't be able to bare losing. I love you, Nezumi. I'm sorry for my awkwardness, my inexperience. I'm so grateful to have you in my life. I know you'll be there to help guide me through the real world. Sorry for the trouble, too.
Gah, I don't know. I'm scared, yet calm. Maybe I'm too tired to actually be too terribly frightened at the moment, but I was really worried before. I'm scared of burdening you. I'm scared of being alone. I'm scared of ridicule. I know you have enough stress on your back, but allow me to lay on your shoulder?
Also, remember, I'm here for you. I always will be. If I am who you want, I will forever stay. I will try to get better. I know I'm slightly twisted. I don't mean to be. I don't know what to do with myself half the time and it just...I wish I could handle everything on my own. I wish I...I wish I was a better person sometimes. I don't know what could be defined as "better", but to me, it would be someone who never annoys you, who only knows how to be strong and useful. Someone confident, capable, and always content. Someone who captivates you.
Without a doubt, I am willing to lay my life down for you if it should ever come to that. You don't know how much I am looking forward to the memories we're set to create. Good and bad, happy and sad. I'll cherish them all, as long as I'm existing with you.
I love you. I hope your day at work is less of a hassle. Keep me posted, feel free to vent and rant if the urge strikes you. Please, take care. Someday, teach me how to bake Debussy buns. They sound like music to my taste buds.
Sincerely,
Shion
P.S.,
Myidiocyinspiresmetodrawacomic.
Hehehe, hey. I'm kind of happy. We have an inside joke. ♥ Pffft.
P.S.S.,
MAKE SURE YOU SCHEDULE AN APPOINTMENT FOR YOUR EYE GLASSES, 'KAY?
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